Different? Seriously? Not really.

In all my years of brand management and marketing, I’ve never been asked to ensure that the company I’m working with is the same as its competition. At the same time, I’ve never been asked to ensure that a company is really different.

The pros and cons are obvious. Being different gets you noticed. Being different delineates the boundary between you and the competition—making purchasing decisions easier. But being different is also tough.

You spend most of your life trying to fit in at school, at church, at family reunions and at work and now…just now…you want to be different? All of a sudden different is good? Seriously? Not really.

Different kids, by definition, don’t “fit in.” Maybe they don’t aspire to wear the right clothes, say the right things, buy the right tunes, hang out with the “popular” kids, get the right hair or have a real iPod or maybe they try…and just can’t get it right.

That’s what makes them different—and being different is tough. For those kids who are authentically different—the smartest, the most creative, the gifted—being like everyone else is not an option. Being different comes from the inside out—and no matter what they wear, say and do—people still see they are different. Different must rely on cues from within their own conscience, their uniqueness and talent to compete—not validation from their competition, peer groups or friends.

Another type of different kid is the one who is like all the others, but actively seeks to be different. I immediately think of  those categorized as “goth.” All dressed in black with the makeup reminiscent of Gene Simmons and KISS, their spiky hair and dog-collar jewelry, they market a personal brand that says look at me, I’m different.

At Rhode Island School of Design, we could always identify a new student because they were still marketing that high school identity. After about a week, the marketing ended. The black wardrobe, spiky hair, piercings and other trappings quickly dissipated. Maybe they realized that at RISD, everyone wore black, had spiky purple hair and piercings in high school. The accessories didn’t make you different after all. This was usually a true shock to their ego.

These two types of “different” exist in community banking, too. First there are authentically different banks. They can’t help it. From the inside out, the organization’s culture, structure, strategy, customers and expectations are different. It may look just like every other bank, but your experience is obviously and noticeably different – whether you got the loan or not.

The other different is marketing’s version of accessorizing. We will say we are different in our campaigns. We’ll re-name bank teller position with pithy, customer-centric titles like “relationship managers.” And we’ll assert that being friendly and making sure we don’t make mistakes counting money is an industry-leading, competitive difference for which customers should recognize and reward us.

If that doesn’t work, we’ll do an advertising campaign and promise to “care about your small business as much as you do.” To which I say, if that is true, by all means take an equity position in my company, not a second lien on my house. The assertion that a bank can even conceive of the risk that a small business entrepreneur faces everyday is misrepresentation of the industry that borders on the sublime.

As community banks, we need to stop trying to be like other community banks, big banks or large regional banks. We need to look within, identify what matters most to us, know what we do well—and what we don’t—and stay true to the experience that results. Our customers will appreciate our fortitude and reward us accordingly.

As a banker and a consumer, the one who is authentically different—honest, comfortable, true to themselves—gets my business every time. I want a bank who understands the role of money in my life (the good, the bad and the ugly) and is going to support a decision-making process that produces a good result. I’ll continue admire those purple, spiky-haired kids who freely express themselves while in line to buy coffee. But when it comes to decisions about my money, I want an experience that is valuable, honest, authentic and real—and whose brand promise is made from the inside out.